Diets bloody diets

Well I was unable to bring myself to blog last night, I was mortified that I had stuck to my new diet regime to the letter, not an unplanned morsel of food passed my lips, I sweated it out at the gym and the result!!!!! A half a bloody pound off! What I said..............how come the first week is suppose to be a good loss of mostly water am I the sarhara dessert all of a sudden? I was ready to jack it in there and then but got talking to one of the regulars at the class, Janet you were a saviour. Then in walked another newbe and she had lost, wait for it (or weight for it....see that little pun there, god you still have your humour dont you girl) anyway I digress she lost 10lb in one week her first week!!!! Now dont get me wrong I was pleased for her (yeah right) but were did my weight loss go???? Teacher checked my food sheet were every item was clearly listed and yes I had done everything correctly so why no loss. I am still dieting and the teacher said give it a few weeks to see but tonight for the first time I want to cut a big piece of lancashire cheese and eat it with some vine rippened tomatoes....but I wont I am going to loose this weight before I turn 50 if it kills me!

Back at work today, I was bored stiff after an hour. I checked my emails and caught up on new working directives and then I was ready for home. I have come to the conclusion that this job does absolutly nothing for me, it brings out the worst in me at times and I have been told today I need to become more detached from people and treat them as if they are not real. For god sakes I work for the emergency services its a bit much to have to treat people like they dont exist.

I had my PDR (Personal development review). Now this can make or break your career and to be totally honest with you mine has just sealed my fate of never being able to move out of the department that I am in. I felt like I was getting a really bad school report. I like to do a job well, I thrive on pushing myself and trying to do this right and learn from my mistakes but on paper I look like I am a non team player. Like I said to my team leader, "you cant be a team player if the team dont let you play". I dont know where its all gone wrong, my first PDR with this company different department said my best attribute was my personality as I got on with people from all levels and this one is saying I have personality clashes, I made him add a bit more on it though to soften it a bit and he assures me I am not the only one with that on their record. I get frustrated in the work place, I like to be busy and I like to do a job well. I also like to treat people as I would like them to treat me. Its not a lot to ask for, yet in this job I feel that despite having a wealth of knowledge born about through being nearly 50 and bringing two kids up on my own whilst working and studying to get my list of qualifications that I am just there to get paid and not get anything back from the job. I dont know the answer to this problem at all and think should I just look for work outside the organisation but I am suddenly trapped in the money web, which a lot of disgruntled and miserable staff are, we get paid more money then we would elsewhere and its hard to take a large pay cut especially the likes of me who lives alone. Oh I long for some peace of mind....

Thanks to those that have left comments on my blog, I have tried to return the honours but on some there is no link for me to comment on, bare with me and I am sure my good friend will point me in the right direction.