A sleepless night

Not too good a day today, I was so sleepy last night I struggled to stay awake. Had 30 mins of sleep then woke up and struggled to get back to sleep. Late at night in the darkness is the time for all your worries and cares to come flooding back. The more I tried to shut them out the more they banged on the door to be let in. I ended up going over all the things my daughter had said about me and have let the negative stuff drag me down today. It was almost 4am before I shut my eyes again only to endure not such pleasant dreams. I have had to force myself to gt out of bed as I am meeting an old work mate for lunch. All the things I was told the other day about nurturing me and not caring what people think about me is right there sat at the forefront of my mind. There is not enough time in the day to change 49 years of negative thoughts and to be honest how do you change? How can you start thinking your a nice person if you dont believe it? How do you stop silently judging people and how come they have the authority to judge me but I am not suppose to care about that.....I am so confused, lack of sleep and meds that make me sleepy do not help the situation at all. The rain is pouring down and I flit from anger at my daughter to upset that she felt that she had to tell others how she felt about me before she told me. How can people who treat othes badly sleep easy at night whilst I try my hardest to treat people the right way struggle to sleep at night also!

Well its pay day and I have a long list of items to stock the cupboards, by the time midnight comes I will be broke again. There is far too much of the wrong things in this world.